In governmental and organizational writing, sentences are often overloaded with subordinate clauses, prepositional phrases and embedded lists. How can you simplify them?
Example from an email (overloaded):
Further to your request of 12 March, and in line with the instructions received from senior management, I am writing to inform you that the meeting, which had initially been scheduled for next week, has been postponed until further notice due to unforeseen logistical constraints.
Simplified:
Further to your request of 12 March, I’m writing to inform you that senior management has postponed next week’s meeting due to logistical constraints. A new date will follow.
Now you try:
With reference to the email circulated by the Director earlier this week, and taking into consideration the feedback received from colleagues in the regional offices, please be informed that the deadline for submission of the reports, which was previously set for Friday, has now been extended by a week.
Answer key (one possible version):
Following the Director’s email and feedback from regional offices, the deadline for submitting the reports has been extended to Friday week.
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Author: Carol Waites
Presentation/editing by Christina O’Shaughnessy
https://worldwidewriting.org/________________________________________________
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Carol Waites (PhD)
Email: carolswritingtips@gmail.com
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Carol’s memoir of her times at the United Nations, Behind the Flags, is available on Amazon and lulu.com
ISBN 9783952632703 Behind the Flags Amazon
9783952632710 Behind the Flags Black and White Version Amazon (Australia and Japan)
9783952632727 Behind the Flags lulu.com
It is also available for sale at Payot and in the UN bookshop at the Pregny entry in Geneva.